


From the Other Side

by Platinum_Amortentia



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 21:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Platinum_Amortentia/pseuds/Platinum_Amortentia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tragedy one late snowy night leaves Lila Stoneridge Tomlinson a single mother with her nine year old son as her only reminder of the man of her dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From the Other Side

**Author's Note:**

> “Don’t wanna be reminded. Don’t wanna be seen. Don’t wanna be without you. My judgement’s clouded, like tonight’s sky..."

A year ago today was the worst day of my life. 

Actually, no. A year ago today was the day my life as I loved it ended forever. It was the day that I lost the best thing that had ever happened to me. God only needed another angel in heaven, I guess. But it still wasn’t fair.

A year ago today, my husband Louis died.

***

“Leo!” I called down the hall into the playroom. Mario Brothers echoed back in my ears as I checked the clock. “It’s almost 8:30, time for bed!”

“One second!” My eight and a half year old son called back. I could picture his blue eyes transfixed to the TV, tongue sticking out in concentration as he maneuvered his controller in an attempt to win the game.

“I don’t know where your father is,” I grumbled, turning and walking back towards the kitchen. It came out as annoyed, but in all honesty I was starting to get a bit scared. Louis was always home in time for dinner, and if he wasn’t he always called me to let me know everything was okay. It was late January, and snow was starting to fall outside, too. All I hoped was that he was safe.

“Leo!” I called out again, hearing the familiar Mario defeat tone. “Hop to it, my boy. Up the stairs.”

He shut off the system and came pattering out of the playroom in sock feet. “But Daddy isn’t home yet!” he protested.

I sighed. “I know, I’m gonna try to find out where he is. You run upstairs and get changed.” I ruffled his dark locks as he turned and darted up the stairs two at a time. I could hear him running across the floor above me to his room at the end of the hall.

I scanned the kitchen counter behind me for the house phone and dialed Lou’s cell, which I knew without even looking. No answer. Only his happy go lucky voicemail rang in my ears as I hung up without leaving a message. Where the hell was he?

Still confused as ever, I put Leo to bed, apologizing on his father’s behalf for not being there to tuck his son in. “He’ll be home soon, babe,” I promised, kissing my boy on the forehead. “And when he is, I’ll make sure he comes in and says goodnight to you.”

“Okay,” Leo had agreed, snuggling deep into his covers. “Goodnight, Mommy.”

“Night, baby. I love you,” I called, blowing him a kiss as I shut off his lights and shut the door quietly.

***

The front door clanged open half an hour later as I was reading downstairs. None other than my husband of ten years stumbled in.

“Hey love,” he called amiably, strolling over to kiss me. His lips were cold on my cheek; the snow was still silently coming down outside.

“Don’t ‘hey love’ me,” I told him, eyes darkening. “Where the hell were you? And why didn’t you call me? I was worried sick, Louis. It’s not funny.”

“Babe, I’m sorry,” he apologized. “The boys called me up at the last minute and wanted to get together. I haven’t seen them in so long, and I was just so happy that I forgot to call and let you know. I thought you’d understand.”

“Louis, I thought you were dead out there,” I spat, standing up and crossing the room so I wouldn’t have to look at him. I whirled around to face him. “How could you do this to me? Be this inconsiderate? Your son is asleep upstairs. You ALWAYS put him to bed. Think of the example you’re setting, Lou. I can’t believe you right now.”

I could tell by the stunned silence that he hadn’t thought I would be this upset. I may not have vocalized it to Leo, but I was petrified that something had happened to Louis because he wasn’t picking up his phone, and had come close to calling the police. And although I was relieved that he was safe and sound, my anger for him being so careless as to not let his wife and son know where he was blew my mind. What was he thinking?!

“Well, forgive me for not letting my babysitter know where I am every waking moment of the day,” he sassed me. “It’s not like I had a management team for seven years that didn’t give me room to breathe. I thought you’d be bigger than that, Lila. I am a grown person, you know. God…”

This infuriated me. He knew how much I hated being sassed. It was so degrading. “I can’t even look at you right now!” I yelled. A flicker of regret passed over me for a split second. I almost never yelled at Louis. But I was too angry now to let it bother me that much.

He didn’t even blink. “Fuck you, Lila,” he said finally, turning and yanking the front door back open. A gust of cold air blew into the house, making me shiver. 

“Where are you going?” I asked, fury still lacing my tone.

“None of your business, Mom,” he shot back, slamming the door behind him with so much force I’m sure the house shook.

Then, all was silent.

I made my way back to my chair, my vision blurring from oncoming tears. I could count the number of fights Louis and I had had over our ten years on one hand, and this was the stupidest of them all. But I couldn’t go calling him now. That would only make things worse.

I put my head in my hands and tried to breathe deeply, before I heard a small voice from the top of the stairs.

“Mommy?” Leo called hesitantly, making his way down the steps. “Are you and Daddy gonna get a divorce?”

I smiled ruefully at my son and patting my knees. He ran over and clambered onto my lap.

“Mommy and Daddy just had a fight, that’s all Leo. But we still love each other. We won’t ever get a divorce, baby. I can promise you that.”

***

Leo finally fell asleep in my lap as we both waited for Louis to come back home again. The seconds ticked by, the clock taking on a more metronomic tone against my son’s steady breathing on my chest. After two hours, I carried him back upstairs and into bed before giving in and calling Louis.

“Hey, babe, it’s me,” I said, leaving a message. I wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t picked up. “I’m really sorry for earlier. I didn’t mean any of it. I love you and miss you a lot. Please come home?”

Another two hours passed with no news. I was starting to get worried again, so I called Harry out of desperation.

“Hello?” the younger boy’s sleepy voice came through the phone. I checked the clock and saw it was one am.

“Harry, it’s Lila,” I said, trying not to sound worried. “I’m sorry to bother you guys so late at night, but um, Louis and I had a fight earlier and he left and hasn’t come back. He’s not answering his phone, either…is he crashing at your place?”

“No, he’s not here,” Harry sounded more awake now. “I’ll call the other boys and check with them.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Haz,” I said gratefully.

“No problem. I’m sure he’s fine, Lila,” Harry comforted, before signing off. 

I sure to God hoped so, too.

***

Louis wasn’t at Niall, Liam, Zayn, or Josh’s house. I was desperate enough to call his mother, even though Doncaster was three hours away by train. He wasn’t there, either.

Now I was scared.

“Harry, I’m going to look for him,” I said when he called for a progress report, pulling on my coat around the phone tucked between my ear and shoulder.

“Lila, there’s a freaking blizzard outside, it’s three in the morning, and your child is asleep upstairs. I’m sure he’s at a hotel somewhere.”

“He’ll rot in hell if he is,” I growled. “But I’m going regardless. Can you come watch Leo for me?”

“I want to go with you,” Harry insisted. “I’m not losing both Tomlinsons. Skylar said she’d stay with Leo, though,” he said, referring to his wife, who was three months pregnant with their first child.

“Tell her I said thank you so much,” I replied gratefully.

“She’s on her way,” Harry told me. “Walking out the door right now.”

***

Harry and I met up halfway between our houses and he joined me in my car as we slowly paraded the streets, looking for my husband like he was a deranged suicidal drug addict runaway. 

“Anything?” I asked, desperate, tired, and confused. Where the hell was Louis?

“Nothing,” Harry replied grimly, scanning the road again.

I pulled over, frustrated. “I’m going on foot,” I said, shoving my door open. Harry knew better than to argue with me at four am, and instead got out of the passenger side and joined me on the snowy sidewalk, putting an arm around me partly in comfort and partly to keep me warm. “It’ll all work out, Li,” he told me, attempting to be comforting. I appreciated the gesture, but just couldn’t take it to heart.

We searched the quiet snowy darkness for close to two hours. It was almost six am, and I’d been up literally all night, but I wasn’t tired in the least bit. I was just about ready to give up when I noticed something while peering over a bridge on the side of the road. I was almost certain my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I grabbed Harry regardless and made him look into the ditch as well.

“Is that…” he whispered faintly. 

It was pitch dark out, but we could both make out a car over the drop in the wall that was shaped similar to Lou’s. The front was smashed in from where it had hit the ground, and it was peacefully quiet. 

Too quiet.

“Oh my god,” I breathed, scrambling for the wall. “LOUIS!” I threw my leg over the bricks in a mad dash to get to my husband. 

“Lila, WAIT!” Harry yelled after me. “That’s way too far a drop, you’ll kill yourself!”

“Help me down, Harry!” I pleaded, tears streaming down my face. “I need to get to him, please!”

Harry surrendered and took both my hands firmly in his, leaning over the wall and lowering me down until it was a safe enough drop for me not to break anything. I dashed over to the driver’s side of the car, my stomach turning ice cold when I saw a familiar form slumped over the steering wheel.

“NO!” I shrieked, clawing at the door. It was badly bent in, but I still managed to pull it open to find Louis in the same outfit I had left him, eyes closed and form frozen.

I didn’t even notice Harry coming up behind me, and flashing lights and sirens echoing in my ears as paramedics arrived at the scene. 

“He can’t be gone, he can’t!” I sobbed, reaching for my husband repeatedly as Harry restrained me. All I could do was watch through my tears as Louis was carefully removed from the car and given a brief examination on the scene. My worst fears were confirmed when the EMT’s lifted their heads and gave a sad nod.

I screamed bloody murder and turned into Harry’s chest, beating him with my fists repeatedly out of anger. Louis was dead, and it was my fault.

***

I stared dully at the hardwood floor, noting the memory. I thought you were dead out there, I had yelled at him. Little did I know that that’s what it would come to.

I missed Louis so much it caused me physical pain. He was the love of my life, my soul mate, and he had left me way too soon.

It was all my fault. If I hadn’t overreacted so much, he wouldn’t have stormed out the way he did, mad enough to drive recklessly in a blizzard and lose control of the car so it flipped over a bridge and killed him on impact. He would still be here, teaching the ins and outs of football to his now ten year old son, instead of lying in the ground in the Doncaster cemetery. 

He’d never get to see Leo graduate high school, or get married, or have kids of his own.

My grandkids would never have Louis as their grandpa. Ever.

“Don’t cry, Mommy,” Leo’s voice broke my thoughts. I lifted a hand to my cheek and was surprised that they were wet with tears. I didn’t even know I was crying.

“I’m sorry, Leo,” I smiled sadly at my boy as he came closer.

“It’s okay,” he replied, climbing into my lap and resting his head on my chest. We lay in silence for a moment, me playing with his chocolate locks absentmindedly.

“I miss Daddy,” Leo said quietly after a moment. My heart broke.

“I miss him too, love,” I whispered. “I miss him so much.”

“I just wish I could see him again, one more time. Just tell him to sleep well and that I’ll love him forever.”

Nothing burdened me more than the guilt that Louis never got to say goodbye to Leo before he passed. The hardest thing I had ever had to do was tell my son when he came down for breakfast the next morning that Daddy had gotten into an accident and went to heaven. How are you supposed to explain to a nine year old why his father didn’t say goodbye for the last time?

Leo’s wishes echoed in my mind for the rest of the day. I honestly felt the same way he did. If I could just talk to Lou one more time, just make things right, I would feel a lot better. His last words to me being out of anger burned in my heart. I didn’t mean what I had said to him, but I didn’t know he would take his back.

***

I tucked Leo into bed later that night with a lot on my mind. 

My son suddenly grew quiet. “Can I ever talk to him again, Mommy?”

My heart went out to him. “Of course you can, baby.” I smoothed a hand over his soft cheek. “You can talk to Daddy whenever you want. And he’ll always be there to listen.”

“Really?”

“Really.” I tugged out the edge of Leo’s duvet and slid into bed with him, pulling him close. “Want to say anything now?”

Leo rested his head on my shoulder. “Just that I love him. And I hope he’s happy.”

“Okay,” I agreed. “See if you get an answer.”

We stayed silent for a moment in the dark, before Leo’s face lit up and he turned to face me with a huge smile. “He answered me, Mommy!” he exclaimed. “Daddy said he is happy!”

I hadn’t heard anything, but I was positive that Louis had spoken to Leo. “That’s great to hear, baby,” I smiled, and closed my eyes. “Goodnight, my love.”

“Good night, Mommy.”

Goodnight, Lou, I thought as I was drifting off. Love you, babe.

Goodnight my Lila. I love you too. His familiar voice rang in my ears as I fell asleep.


End file.
